Smeagol Voiced by: Aaron Stolikler Birthplace: Hobbiton Hair Color: Filthy old man gray Eye Color: Beady black Height: 5' Age: Several hundred years old Likes: Yevonism, the precious, cupcakes, the fondling of cupcakes Dislikes: Hobbitses Sexuality: Sorry to tell you, but he's bi. Role: Maester of Yevon. His main job is to perform the sendings of Sexar's crew, who will all undoubtedly perish in battle on the account that they have no lines. He's also an amateur Pokemon Prof. Background: Though once a hobbit, Smeagol now seeks out to destroy their kind; however, due to a freak accident involving falling into the fiery pits of Mount Doom, Smeagol has lost most of his memory. Every so often, he may spout out about how much he hates hobbits (causing his friends to think he's racist), even though he himself has no idea why. Smeagol first turned to Yevonism upon a rainy night. He had nothing at all: fame, fortune, status. He felt empty and lost... until he found a conveniently placed porn magazine, underneath of which was a Holy Bible. Smeagol read the bible, found a few plot holes, and then realized that the last half of it had been torn out and replaced with another adult fetish magazine, "Furry Monthly." Inside FM was an advertisement stating: "Lonely? Lost all hope? Well, praise be to Yu Yevon, because we have a place for you!" Fun Facts: Originally, Smeagol was going to be Jewish because the director seems to think that he has a yarmulke. But he also might be thinking of something from Princess Mononoke. IF ANYONE CAN FIND A PICTURE OF MOLEMAN IN A YARMULKE, WE WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE IT. Because we are too lazy to Photoshop it ourselves.